Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
