i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
