You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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