The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
