just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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