remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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