Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize