My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
