took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
