Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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