I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had sex on a roof
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
