More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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