Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's great music for shaving your balls
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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