I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
