Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
