hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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