i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
