And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
