Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He did a backflip because drugs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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