Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
