She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
