Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
