I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
