Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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