I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
