Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
