rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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