you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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