Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
