my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize