he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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