The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
