Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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