I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize