Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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