shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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