Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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