i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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