i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
