i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
