the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
