A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
