My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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