I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
