Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
