bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Everyone says I win the strip club
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
