No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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