I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
