You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
