yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
