I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How's work?
Spinning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
