So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize