I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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