Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
