I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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