Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize