sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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