I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
