i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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