You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
