Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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