If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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