dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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