Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
