remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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