I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
