she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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