i permit you to call me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
