so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
