1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sex in a hospital.. check
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
