What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
