I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
