yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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