Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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