She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Where is the hickey?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
