I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There are leaves in my underwear?
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