You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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