I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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