Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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