hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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