I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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