I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
