Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
