Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
