she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
